Confessions of a Raccoon Murderer

I was driving home last night on some rural back roads when all of a sudden a raccoon started a mad dash from across the opposite lane for my car.

I caught him in my peripheral vision and I didn't have time to brake but was able to react enough to swerve a little. I though I just might clear him when I heard a 'thunk'.

I looked in the rear view and saw him laying unmoving in on the inside edge of the lane.

NOTE: Not actual raccoon described. Shown only for demonstration purposes.

As I continued to speed along I was thinking "What should I do?" Turn around and see if he is still alive? Take him to PAWS? Let natural selection take its course as dozens of automobiles run over his lifeless body? Turn myself into PETA or the police? What if it has rabies?

I've never committed vehicular animalslaughter but had my fair share of close calls. Birds, dogs, cats, other raccoons, even deer. I learned not to slam on your brakes and that deer travel in packs when I missed hitting a dear by 2' once while towing a Datsun 510 on a tow dolly with a full sized Chevy pickup once. I was lucky I didn't jackknife the trailer when I locked up the brakes panic stopping.

What position do raccoons even serve in the suburban ecosystem anyways? Keep the frogs population in check or just get fat off of everyone's trash?

At 40mph I was all ready a mile down the road and just a few blocks from home and resigned myself to let the poor critter fend for himself.

As I told my wife about it after she got home she informed me that the 'coon was indeed dead and still lying lifeless in the middle of the road when she passed by 20 minutes later.

I couldn't stop thinking about it and remembered that three months ago I very similar raccoon very nearly met the same fate only 3 months prior and 3 miles further up the very same road. The difference was that that time the 'coon turned around with only inches to spare and aborted mission which spared his life. I wonder now if it was the same beast.

I also started getting scared wondering if the raccoon's relatives were going to hunt me down and seek retribution Pom Poko style.



I've avoided getting getting attacked by gangs of raccoons with enormous testicles and spirits (watch the movie - 3:47 in) so I think I'm safe.

RIP Mr. Raccoon. Stay safe my fellow furry friends - the road can be hard.